Thursday, May 9, 2013

It Was the Guns

Thank heavens we have solved the reason behind the tragedy at Sandy Hook. It was the guns. That makes it all so much easier to deal with. Just ban the guns and violent crime will cease. That makes me feel so much better. Can you imagine what we would have to do if it was a disturbed man that caused the tragedy? That is so much harder for us to deal with. Thankfully, we have something much easier – it was the guns. 

If it had been a disturbed man that caused the shootings we would have to look into the reasons why he chose to do what he did. Was it a society that has devalued human life to the point that the killing of a million babies a year is called a choice? That we make it legal to assist someone to kill themselves and we call it dignity? Or that our new healthcare law picks only those who “contribute” to society to receive medical treatment? Thankfully, we don’t have to contemplate this, we have something much easier – it was the guns.

Luckily, we don’t need to worry about the fact that we have removed family values, and values in general from the public forum – those were archaic anyway. Besides, they infringe on our philosophy that nothing we do is wrong – stay out of my life… except give me free birth control. But thankfully, none of this matters because we have a much easier solution – it was the guns.

Those who bring up the 2nd amendment need to understand that those rights are pretty much obsolete now. Take the 1st amendment – the rights of religious freedom should in no way supplant the rights of promiscuous college girls to obtain birth control. And speech should only be free if it agrees and is non-confrontational, so we should shut down conservative talk radio with the Fairness Doctrine. The 4th amendment only gets in the way of our security, so of course President Obama’s executive order suspending the need for warrants is only fair. The government will take care of us, so why do we need to have the right bear arms? The government would never try to take away our rights -- Just ask the American citizens of Japanese descent during World War II. Besides, we know the cause of violence – it is the guns.

So thank you Pierce Morgan, Ed Schultz, President Obama, Barbara Boxer and all the others in media and politics for solving the reason behind this horrific tragedy at Sandy Hook. You make it so much easier for us to go on… all we have to do is say “ban the guns!” I guess we all were pretty lucky on that tragic day – only three guns decided to kill, the other 200 million did not. The evils in this world are meaningless because, you see, it was the guns.

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